The Intro.

I guess I am just making this to kill time, or possibly to tell my life to anyone interested...I'm not quite sure yet...I guess the main reason for this is to just explain my life, my struggle, my chaos, and my depression. All of these things do not exist in my life anymore, but they did for the longest year and a half of my life.

I guess I will start at the beginning, where this hell first emerged. I remember it vividly, December 12th 2007. My mother and I were driving to Easton for Christmas shopping. All I can recall that drive was this uncomfortable feeling that was almost unbearable. I felt as if I was going to explode mentally. Everything around me distorted into a skewed form of a awful trip. I felt hot, sweaty, my pulse sky rocketed, it was as if a heart attack became friends with a bad acid trip, and decided to make me the victim.

Before I go further into this one traumatizing day that leads into 432 more days of suffering and hell I would like to go one day before this.

I remember I was at a friends house, that whole week we decided to smoke pot and drink beers, a normal routine at that. And it was like any other daily dose of my so called life at the time. But I thought it would be divine to smoke an entire blunt to myself, 'why the hell not right?' I said. I mean I was 17 at the time, and as Kurt Cobain once said, 'It is better to burn out then fade away.' I was down for any form of mayhem I could find. Life was full of hits of acid, to ether huffed in a mall parking lot. My body and brain were on the verge of self destruction, it is pretty obvious now that this is what caused this horrid Anxiety I dealt with for some time...Continuing to the next day of course.

I remember being in the car, hot, sweating, beyond scared, I was petrified. I wanted all existence of what I thought was real, to just stop. My mother did not know what exactly to do, she figured it was just a weird coincidence of some matter, (she was unaware of the many days of drug use.) She took me to Steak and Shake to calm myself down. I remember repeating Rancid, Red Hot Moon to attempt to calm me down...Great idea right?

After eating and semi-calming down, we decided to continue our adventure into one of the most populated malls I am aware of in Columbus, again great idea for a 17 year old mental wreck yes? Anyways, we went into Sharper Image looking around and I remember feeling almost high, but I do not recall smoking? I wasn't sure what was going on at all, I was lost in an endless confusion, I was at a lost for words, stumped, just fucking clueless. After shopping around for only about an hour we finally departed for home, my new resting area for the next almost year...And so it begins, I thought it was a one day skewed weird happening, but I was completely wrong...I had much more to come, I was in for one fucking ride, that I will soon remember for the rest of my life.